Wedding Celebrant or Registrar?

28 May

What's the Difference and Which Is Right for You?

If you're planning your wedding in the UK, at some point you're probably going to come across the words registrar and celebrant.

And if you're wondering what the difference is, you're definitely not the only one.

Do you need both?

Can a celebrant legally marry you?

Can you have your legal ceremony on a different day?

And perhaps the biggest question of all...

If we choose a celebrant, will it still feel like a proper wedding?

The short answer to that last question is a very definite yes.

But there are some important differences between a registrar-led wedding and a celebrant-led ceremony, so let's make it simple.

What Does a Wedding Registrar Do?

A registrar conducts a legal civil marriage ceremony.

In England and Wales, a civil marriage can take place at a register office or an approved wedding venue, and a registrar must conduct or be present at the ceremony.

There are certain legal requirements that have to be followed, including the legal declarations and signing of the marriage schedule with your witnesses.

You can usually personalise elements of your ceremony with readings, music and additional wording, but there are restrictions. For example, a civil ceremony cannot contain religious content.

So essentially, a registrar's primary responsibility is to make sure you are legally married.

What Does a Wedding Celebrant Do?

A wedding celebrant does something rather different.

My job starts long before I stand at the front of your ceremony.

I spend time getting to know you.

I want to know how you met, what made you fall in love, the things you adore about each other, the things that drive you slightly mad, the adventures you've had and the life you're building together.

Then I write your ceremony from scratch.

No standard script.

No two ceremonies the same.

Your ceremony is built around the two of you and your story.

And on your wedding day, I'm the person standing there with you, telling that story and guiding you through one of the biggest moments of your lives.

So, Can a Celebrant Legally Marry You in England?

Currently, an independent celebrant-led wedding ceremony is not the legal marriage in England and Wales.

That means you'll need to complete the legal marriage requirements separately.

For many couples, this means having a simple civil ceremony at their register office either before or after their wedding celebration.

And actually, I work with many destination wedding couples who do exactly the same thing.

They take care of the legal paperwork separately and then consider their celebrant-led ceremony to be their wedding.

Because that's the moment when everyone they love is there.

The music starts | One of you walks down the aisle | You hear your story

You make your promises | You exchange your rings | I pronounce you married.

You kiss | Everyone cheers | And the champagne starts flowing.

Trust me...

It feels like a wedding should feel

A couple doing a handfasting ceremony , holding their hands in the air.

What's the Main Difference?

A celebrant creates the ceremony around you. The registrar just makes it legal.

With a celebrant-led ceremony, you have the freedom to make it truly yours – from telling your love story and writing your own vows, to involving the people you love, including meaningful traditions, readings or symbolic elements.

It can be heartfelt, funny, emotional and wonderfully relaxed – whatever feels right for the two of you.

And importantly, you get to choose the person who will stand there with you and bring it all together.

Can We Choose Our Own Wedding Vows?

Absolutely.

And for me, this is one of the loveliest parts of a celebrant-led ceremony.

Your vows don't have to follow a particular formula.

They can be romantic, funny, simple, emotional or a combination of everything.

They just need to sound like you.

If you're thinking about writing your own, I've also written a separate guide on How to Write Your Own Wedding Vows, which takes you through the process step by step.

Can We Include Religion in a Celebrant Ceremony?

This is another important difference.

A civil registrar ceremony in England and Wales cannot include religious music, readings or prayers. With an independent celebrant ceremony, you have much more freedom.

You may not consider yourselves religious but still want to acknowledge a parent's faith, include a prayer or hymn that's important to your family, bring together two different faiths or cultures, or incorporate a tradition such as the Jewish breaking of the glass.

It's worth knowing that this is also where independent and humanist celebrants differ. Humanist ceremonies are non-religious, whereas an independent celebrant can include religious or spiritual elements alongside everything else that makes your ceremony personal.

And, of course, if religion has absolutely no place in your ceremony, that's completely fine too.

It's your ceremony. Everything in it should have meaning for you.

Where Can We Have a Celebrant Wedding?

This is where things get really exciting. Because your celebrant ceremony isn't creating the legal marriage, you have much more freedom to choose a setting that feels completely right for you.

It could be in the gardens of a château in France, overlooking the Mediterranean in Mallorca, at a beautiful English stately home or country house, in your own garden, a woodland, beside a lake or at a wedding venue you simply fell in love with.

Or perhaps somewhere that holds a special meaning for the two of you.

I've always believed your ceremony should work around you – not the other way around!

Will Our Guests Know It Isn't the Legal Ceremony?

Only if you want them to. There is no need to highlight the fact that your celebrant ceremony isn't the legal part of your marriage.

For many couples, the legal paperwork is simply something they take care of separately. Their wedding ceremony surrounded by the people they love, sharing their story, exchanging vows and rings and making those promises to one another – is the moment that truly feels like they are getting married.

And to your guests, it will feel every bit as special, meaningful and real as it should.

Is a Celebrant Ceremony More Personal?

Absolutely! that's one of the things I love most about celebrant-led weddings.

Your ceremony is written completely around you, your story, your personalities, the people who matter to you and the way you want your wedding to feel.

It can be romantic, funny, emotional, relaxed – usually a wonderful mixture of all four. We can include your own vows, meaningful readings, family or cultural traditions, acknowledge people who can't be with you, or involve the people you love.

Nothing has to be included simply because tradition says it should be.

For me, the best compliment at the end of a ceremony isn't "That was lovely."

It's hearing your guests say:

"That was so them."

Which Should We Choose Registrar or Celebrant?

It isn't necessarily an either/or decision. If you're getting married in England or Wales, you can take care of the legal side with a registrar and then have a completely personal celebrant-led ceremony for your wedding day.

For some couples, a traditional civil ceremony with a registrar is exactly what they want. For others, the ceremony is one of the most important parts of the day and they want the freedom to make it completely their own.

Neither choice is right or wrong it's simply about deciding what matters most to you.

But Will It Feel Like a "Real" Wedding?

I come back to this because I know it's something couples worry about, and the answer is absolutely yes.

What makes your wedding ceremony meaningful isn't the signing of a piece of paper. It's standing opposite the person you love, surrounded by your family and friends, hearing the story that brought you to this moment, making your promises and exchanging your rings.

Then comes that wonderful moment when you're pronounced married, you kiss and everyone you love celebrates with you.

Amongst all the flowers, food, photographs, beautiful outfits and champagne, your ceremony is the moment when everything else stops for a while and it's simply about the two of you.

For me, that's exactly what a wedding ceremony should be.

One Final Thought...

I'm a great believer in couples understanding all their options and then choosing what feels right for them. There are so many decisions involved in planning a wedding, and often you don't know what you don't know until you're right in the middle of it.

It's one of the reasons I'm launching my new wedding podcast, Behind the Wedding, this October. I'll be talking to people from across the wedding world, going beyond the beautiful photographs and sharing the advice, insider knowledge and little details that can make planning your wedding so much easier.